Perfectionism
6 weeks.
6 weeks is all it took for me to get caught up in trying too hard.
In just 6 short weeks, I went from let’s get this blog off the ground to watching it and my motivation come crashing down.
Up until now - 8 weeks later.
You see, I am quite the perfectionist. I like to produce and deliver quality work. Sometimes I can produce quality work fast. Other times, it takes me a while to get to the point where I feel that my deliverable is acceptable. But regardless, I tend to pride myself on the outcome of the work I do. In some instances, this isn’t a bad thing. It’s important to put maximum effort into the things you do. In a professional setting, your best work is expected. Unfortunately, the lines get a little blurred when this mentality carries over into our daily lives, into our creative endeavors, into our relationships. Sometimes putting out your “best” work can lead to you not producing quality work elsewhere. Your daily life suffers, your creativity suffers, your relationships suffer.
For many of us, we strive for perfection so much that it actually inhibits us from progress. The very thought of not producing something perfect keeps us from moving forward at all. The pursuit of perfectionism, in many ways, actually breeds fear. Fear of failure. Fear of letting yourself down. Fear of letting others down. As a result, we stay put. Relishing in our past perfections, priding ourselves on what we’ve accomplished (or maybe even stuck criticizing those accomplishments too). But at the end of the day, the fear perpetuated by our pursuit of perfection has led us down the path we fight so desperately to avoid - failure.
Perfectionism is taught at an early age. If we’re not perfect, we’re not going to get a good grade on our report card, which means we won’t get into that school we want to eventually get into where the rest of the “perfect” people get in. If we’re not perfect, we’ll end up being 2nd or 3rd chair in the wind ensemble. If we’re not perfect, we may have to sit on the bench in the biggest game of the regular season, or worse, maybe we won’t even get to dress out for the game.
As we get older, perfectionism is perpetuated. If we don’t have the perfect path in our collegiate studies, we won’t land the magical internship. If we don’t have the perfect internship, we’ll be stuck at some job making way less than that perfect salary that we had in mind. If we don’t have the perfect job with the perfect salary, how are we ever going to make enough to afford that perfect wedding, that perfect house, have that perfect family.
The list goes on and on and on.
And so does the fear of falling short.
But here’s the beauty in all of that… There’s no such thing as falling short.
There’s always another day. There’s always another chance.
Got cut from the team? Think about the time that just opened up to try something different.
Didn’t land that “perfect” internship? Well, now you have more time to learn some new skills.
Got a job but it wasn’t your “dream” job? Time to start working on ways to make your “dream” job happen (or maybe you’ll discover your dream job actually isn't even in your dreams).
And for me… I didn’t write the “perfect” blogs.
But at least I get the opportunity to keep trying.
8 weeks ago I started this blog with good intentions, but I didn’t expect there to be a giant elephant in the room.
I didn’t expect to be stricken with my perfectionism to the point where I would write a blog, and scratch it because it didn’t meet my standards. I didn't expect to be so afraid of just writing an okay blog. I didn’t expect to be so afraid of just seeing okay analytics on my page.
I didn’t expect to go from “just start” to “why did I even start this in the first place?”
“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day. … The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.”
From this point forward, I’m going to do my best to fight against my perfectionism.
I won’t be perfect. I’ll probably get down on myself. I’ll probably write a blog or two and scratch them. I’ll probably fail to keep up with my weekly posts from time to time. I probably won’t write the most eloquent or informative blogs all the time.
But I’m going to try my best. I’m going to work harder at not being afraid to fail (or afraid to put out just okay blogs).
After all, being afraid of failing is failure itself.
So here’s to trying. Testing things out. Seeing what works and what doesn’t work. What brings you value and what brings me value.
And ultimately, finding joy and content in the work that I’m producing.
Memento Mori - Make the most of every day. Make the most of every opportunity. Be present and be willing to fail. I’d rather close the book of my life each day saying I tried and gave it my all each day - even if it wasn’t my “best”.
